I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Couch. On fire.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
