I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.