You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
