WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows