my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?