Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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