Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
