shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
