She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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