Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
