I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
