how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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