Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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