chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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