Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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