Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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