If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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