I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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