i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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