I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
