This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize