my phone needs a breathalizer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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