This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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