you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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