You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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