Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
