I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
