I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
