guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
