I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
