It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need a beard to bite.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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