Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
