Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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