im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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