I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
