I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
