I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
