this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
