You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
