how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
