Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
