I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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