If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
