The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
