how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
