God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
