so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
