I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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