I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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