i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
