im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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