Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
