I love black thongs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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