just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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