Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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