Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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