dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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