My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
