there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
