Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
