i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
