I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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