Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
