if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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