so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
