You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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