As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
