sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
