i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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