Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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