chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize